GRDine

By the title of the post I think it would be reasonable to conclude that, unlike my cohort, I do not like the Beltline Bar’s food.  That thinking would be dead wrong, so allow me to explain.

Yesterday  I got a call from my mother wanting to meet me for dinner (my parents are going to Seattle and Banff for a few weeks) that night.  I obliged and, with my dad’s help, we settled on the Beltline Bar.

After consulting with a few friends (I had never been there before, sadly enough) it was decided (for me) that I would get the famous double-beef wet burrito.

When it came time to order, my wife got the chicken enchiladas, my mom got some gooey thing I don’t remember, and I of course ordered the wet burrito.  Then a funny thing happened:  my dad ordered-and although he is a HUGE wet burrito fan and loves beef to no end-the beef chimichanga.  When I asked why, he replied with a sly grin, “you’ll see”.

When the food came out, I immediately dived into the burrito like a crack addict searching for nickels.  Upon consuming roughly 1/3 of the burrito, I thought I understood what the big deal about the dbwb was.  I could see my dad was enjoying his chimichanga, so I asked if we could swap a piece of each other’s meal.  After doing so, I took a bite that shattered my taste buds.  The chimichanga was incredible.  I thought the dbwb was delicious, but this blew it away.

The moral of this story is, you can prefer the chimichanga to the  wet burrito, or vice-versa, but you should still go to the Beltline Bar.  -TM

So after a grueling month and a half of boycotting the Dog Pit for not being served before close one evening, I decided I have too big of a weakness for chili dogs that the boycott could never last.  The Dog Pit on Monroe Center is now in good standings with GRDine.

Last week I was downtown for a meeting and when the meeting got out I just needed something quick and easy for dinner.  I considered the new Pita House next to the Dog Pit, but how could I resist eating unhealthy?  When I entered the Dog Pit, I was greeted by none other than who I had once referred to as Man-boy.  Let’s call him Keith (I don’t know his real name, but he deserves something other than Man-boy).  Keith wasn’t very busy and served me very well.  I went with a Junkyard Dog, and Frito Nachos…Fantastic!  It must have been my pent up guilt over the last little while I left Keith with a nice tip as an offering of my apology…Not like he’s seen this blog, but it made me feel a little better.

I’ve moved on.  I’ve forgotten the poor experience.  The previous experience has been masked by chili cheese Frito nachos.   We can all move on with the weight lifted off of our shoulders.  Go to Dog Pit!

-Jon Dodge

There is something magical about going to a baseball game in the summer.  It’s a place where calories are not counted, and hot dogs are considered  health food.  Ok…That is just my delusional stance to justify the junk washed down by a few brews.  However, now I am able to put it all in perspective since the 53^rd Burger was introduced this year.  I can eat three hotdogs, one pulled pork nachos, and several beers and still not reach the magnitude of this beast of a burger.

The 53^rd Burger was made famous this year at the Grand Rapids Whitecaps stadium.  This burger (which should probably be illegal) is constructed using 5 third pound beef patties, 5 slices of cheese, a cup of chili and cheese sauce (oh the fake stuff is good!), and I believe I saw a ton of ranch on there as well.  It could probably feed 100 children in Ethiopia (Who am I kidding?  I could feed several villages.  I still can’t figure out why so many foreigners hate America).   Once the burger is constructed it comes in at 4 pounds (equating to roughly 5,000 calories) and is severed in a pizza box that is unable to shut entirely.

To make this situation even more gluttonous, people continue to try and consume this burger in record pace.  I was told last night that the current record holder has finished in just over 13 minutes.

Ron “The Shovel” Lovelace has had a couple run-ins with the 53^rd Burger.  In his first attempt, he not only consumed the beast, but did so in 17 minutes without trying.  Being the modest individual that he is, he decided he was going to break the record and create a media event around his record breaking attempt.  When I spoke to Ron last night, he seemed very confident that he would not only break the record, but do so by 3 minutes.  The man had champion written all over his face.  I ask to take a celebratory picture prior to his attempt as you will see below.

At the beginning of the third inning, Ron took an approach he had not previously tried; he decided to dip the 8 inch bun in water to allow him to consume the carbs quicker.  I believe this was the wrong approach for any amateur as the water will easily add weight that he was not anticipating.  I have been thinking about how to say this as non-descriptive as possible…but about 4 minutes into the attempt, his body did not agree with the current pace and decided to fight back…Yup he returned his first serving.  According to Whitecap official rules…this disqualified his attempt.

Ron is a champion in our eyes.  He had the courage to not only attempt the record, but declare it to all of Grand Rapids.  GRDine offered him a second chance with a 30 minute break, but he politely declined.

Disclaimer: Seriously…Do not eat this burger.  It will likely take 5 years off your life.  -JD

I have very few rules that I live by, but one that I stand by…Never trust a man who doesn’t drink beer or doesn’t enjoy a chili dog (unless that man is a recovering alcoholic…in which case I will let the beer slide).

Grand Rapids has a pretty impressive selection of chili cheese dog offerings.  It goes unsaid, but I will state the obvious…Yesterdog is the master of the chili dog kingdom of GR when it comes to overall experience.  However, there is a place I would like to highlight based on an enjoyable experience I had last night.

Ritz Koney (http://www.ritzkoneyisland.com ), located at 64 Ionia, has a stranglehold on the majority of the late night bar crowd…It was genius to not only lock down a liquor license, but to serve countless varieties of chili dogs.  I am willing to make the argument that their dog selection gives it a major advantage over Yesterdog when speaking in terms of options.  They have a full bar menu ranging from salads (and other needless fillers), to burgers, brats, and the dogs.  They have 10 variety of dogs and at least 8 of them you couldn’t dream of getting at Yesterdog.  The fact that they proudly display Michigan State gear throughout the interior décor makes it feel like home.

A couple of good friends just introduced me to the perfect dog a few months back…It has become a part of every meal I’ve had since revisiting The Ritz.  The O’lay dog deserves its own recognition.  It is the perfect proportion of chili and cheese, but then adds the unconventional topping that gives it the name O’lay…Crushed Fritos.  Nothing needs to be added, but adding a splash of hot sauce finishes off this dog perfectly.

Yesterday, I went into ala cart mode and had the Ritz Koney, the Ada Koney (Koney with crushed chips), and of course the O’lay dog.  Nothing beats a Pabst Blue Ribbon and the O’lay dog.  What’s the best chili dog in GR?  -JD

PS: You can get a discount on every visit by becoming a member of Rewards Network (www.rewardsnetwork.com ), and it is free to join.